And by 'we' I mean me and my plastic sidekick Monsieur Credit. The upside of working in a shopping mall? I know exactly who is on sale when. The downside of working in a shopping mall? I know exactly who is on sale when. Confused? Well, it's pretty simple really... as I've mentioned in previous posts like this one, I am a sucker for a bargain. I am the girl they envisioned when the Über chic bigwigs in some Über chic boardroom somewhere came up with a certain target market. I'm the girl who loves the splurge vs steal columns in fashion magazines and prides herself on getting the look for less.
However, please do not confuse this weakness for a strength... there are a whole lotta cents in this particular brand of sensibility. Bargain hunting is an expensive sport and definitely not for the fainthearted. No refunds. No returns. No negotiations. I have bought things on SALE just because certain items were reduced by big shiny numbers like 50 and 70 per cent *blush* and not because I really needed said items or because I looked fabulous in the changing room. Although, I may have been conned into buying something once or twice simply because the mirror in the changing room was one of those skinny ones, but before I stray further off on this tangent...
Here are my 'magnificent seven' tried and tested rules for smooth SALEing:
1. Know your opponent – always know what a store usually sells its stuff at so you'll be able to recognise a real bargain when you come across it. FYI: a 20 per cent discount is not a real, shout it from the rooftops, bargain, unless you're buying something with lots of zeros on the price tag.
2. The early bird catches the Prada – it's not rocket science, basically, the good stuff will always get snapped up first and the most common sizes will disappear quicker than a Lindt chocolate bunny on Easter Sunday. So, try to get to a sale on the day it starts to get the pick of the litter, otherwise you may very well find yourself with the runt in your closet and a slight case of buyer's remorse.
3. Honesty is the best policy – the truth will set you (and your ever-increasing credit card debt) free... repeat after me: 'I will not be a size smaller by next week/season/year'. Do not buy that awesome pair of size 10 designer cigarette pants (when you're a size 12) just because it is the last pair on the sale rack and a steal at 70% off the marked price. Put the pants down and walk away... just think, by leaving the too tight, too small, too depressing item behind you are actually making some soon-to-walk-in stick insect's day.
4. It's about getting a bargain, not looking like you fell into the bargain bin – admit to yourself that you won't alter/hem/fix/sew/stitch/dye that gorgeous dress with a few tiny been on the rack all season and been tried on a million times scars. If it's new, it should look new. If it's vintage it should look timeless not tired. And, remember a sale is retail not charity.
5. It is a marathon, not a sprint – Productive SALEing does not occur in a lunchbreak. Sure, you may get lucky once in while, but the truth is this: if you're not prepared to take your time, go through the sale racks methodically and dig for buried treasure then be prepared to lose out – I speak from experience and my own wardrobe's deep sense of loss. There's nothing worse than racing through a store and arriving at the counter only to see a girl behind you with the ultimate bargain, the classic, timeless designer piece at a cheap as chips department store price – the piece that you missed, skimmed over, failed to spot. The piece that coulda, woulda, shoulda been yours if only you'd been paying the proper attention.
6. There is nothing glamorous about having champagne tastes on a beer shandy budget – The bottom line? If you prefer (and can afford) the cool, spacious ambience of a boutique then limit your shopping to places with names you can't pronounce and shop assistants who throw around phrases like 'it's a classic take on...very reminiscent of Marc Jacob's first collection for...' Trust me, the hot, sweaty, crumpled chaos of the Red Hanger sale would have your blood boiling and Polo court shoe-wearing feet tapping in irritation in two minutes flat.
7. Will you still love me tomorrow? (or rather, will I still love it tomorrow?) – Before swiping the plastic, ask yourself this: Once the initial sense of euphoria has faded and the spring in your step (that comes from carrying several colourful shopping bags to the car) is more fizzle than sizzle, will you still feel like you hit the jackpot? Will you still feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (the shopping part, not her, uh, career choice)? If the answer is yes, then adopt Nike's tagline and Just Do It! If you're unsure then take my advice... put it down, step away from the changing room and go get a skinny latte with hazelnut syrup instead.
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