I find myself in a funny place – in between a rock and a hard place, or (as I like to put it) in between a chocolate croissant and a carrot stick, so to speak. I initially started this blog because my habit of keeping journals in my teens and later writing monthly 'newsletter' emails (in my early 20's) had ceased to exist. I decided that I wanted to rediscover the discipline of writing often, maybe not daily (as I used to) but more often than never.
A blog is a strange animal, it's not quite like a journal that you can tuck away under your mattress. It's out there in cyberspace for anyone who stumbles across it to read. It's both incredible private and unashamedly public at the same time. The chocolate criossant side of it? It's indulgent, fun and when the words are flowing... just plain delicious! Some days I crave it and can't wait to post a new entry but then other days are 'carrot stick' days – boring, dull, too low-calorie to be of any interest. Basically, some days just don't justify a new post, or at least not a post that I think anyone would waste precious time reading.
Which brings me to my next point – do I write to be read or is having readers just a flattering side-effect? If I knew the answer to this question I wouldn't be typing this self-indulgent drivel, I'd be typing an actual post that would be witty and poignant and relevant and worthy of a comment. Aaaaah, yes a comment... the little pat on the back of encouragement that brings a smile to my face and the little fluttering of excited butterflies in my stomach. It's proof that someone out there actually read my 500-word tale and enjoyed the words enough to let me know it!
Which brings me back to the point of this post (I promise that there is one)... what came first? The chicken or the egg? The need to write or the need to be read? Honestly, I don't know the answer because as I become more and more aware of friends, family and total strangers (!) actually logging on to see what I have to say, I've subconsciously started to edit and consciously started to avoid certain things. Which totally undermines the point of this blog and all of the reasons I initially started it.
So, from now on I'm going to embrace the old pearl of wisdom widely embraced in the writing community: "Write what you know." I am going to post whatever floats my boat, whatever interests and perplexes me, whatever makes me laugh and sometimes (if it's a really storm cloud of a day) even cry. Marshmallows & Merlot is going to become what I intended it to be in the first place – a diary. An old-fashioned record of my little corner of the globe. I'm going to pretend that logging out is the equivalent of what I did as a ten-year old – close my pink Barbie, rose-scented diary, lock the little padlock, tuck the 'book of secrets' under my mattress and put the key in a top-secret hiding place that not even my clever little sister could find.
I promise not to go as far as 'Dear Diary' but I do hope that sitting down to have a read from now on will require you to make a cup of tea, slip on your comfiest slippers and settle in for a gasp or a giggle... because this is my world and I'm letting you into it.
Comments